Dante's Weird Family
by Harusaki
Summary: Dante, offspring of the genetically altered gunslinger, Vincent Valentine and his beloved pilot, Cid Highwind, is bored. VERY bored. What delightful antics will come about as a result? A day in the life of the Valentine-Highwinds!


The characters Dante and Anise belong to misumisu84 from Live Journal and are used with her permission. This is a story I wrote a while ago on an account on LJ that is no longer active. This story was a gift for her in tribute to her incredible writing!

_**Trouble Trouble**_

Dante had an odd family.

It wasn't every kid in the little Chocobo's class whose mom was a gothic, gun-slinging hermaphrodite who had a tendency to transform into various beasts whenever his stress level went up.

Dante was proud of his mommy. Mommy adored him and his younger sibling, a baby sister with a massive set of wings and broody personality inherited from their mother. And mommy adored his daddy, Cid Highwind, a vulgar mouthed grease monkey with a propensity for smoking and drinking, sometimes both at once. Mommy didn't like it when he did that. Sometimes they got into fights over it, and then mommy would get all big and fierce and his wings would appear. Dante always liked it when mommy grew his wings, then he and sister could fly with mommy to the rafters while mommy sulked. They liked it because daddy usually felt sorry after-wards and would try to make mommy happy again by going to town for ice cream and sweet things! Mommy loved sweet things.

That was what happened earlier this morning, and now daddy was in town, no doubt getting something tasty. Dante couldn't wait, he was impatient and getting tired of hanging upside down from the ceiling.

Turning his head Dante rolled his crimson eyes at his mommy, blonde hair falling into his face.

His mommy's wing wrapped form hung from the rafters like a giant bat, silken jet hair hanging down and swaying in the breeze kicked up by the fans down in the kitchen below. Mommy could hang like that for hours and never move, just glaring over the edges of his wings with the same blood red eyes Dante and his sister had. Daddy called it brooding, and sometimes other things, but mommy said that Dante wasn't supposed to say those other words.

His sister, Anise, appeared to be sleeping. She had gotten tired of hanging on her own--- her feet weren't strong enough yet--- and had climbed onto mommy's back and cried until mommy opened his wings and let her in. Now, only a fuzzy tuft of blond hair showed where she was. It tickled mommy's chin whenever she moved in her sleep.

Dante was bored. Very, very bored. He glared at his unmoving mother and let go of the rafters, allowing himself to glide down to the kitchen and land on the table. Cereal from earlier had gone all soggy and he wrinkled his nose in disgust. A few slices of orange and peach seemed much more attractive, and he quickly snatched them from his father's abandoned plate and stuffed them in his mouth.

" Honey, off the table. Sit in the chair and lean over your plate." His mother's deep voice growled from the ceiling.

" But it tastes better this way."

" Off."

Dante obeyed grudgingly. When mommy took that tone even daddy listened. The chair scraped as he pushed it back and then squirmed down onto the seat, folding his wings against his back. He hated sitting in chairs because they made his wings feel itchy, the kind of itchy you get when you just have to move and yet aren't supposed to. But he was alone at the table for now, so he didn't have to obey all the rules. Spreading his wings to either-side he sat back and proceeded to consume the rest of Daddy's meal.

Breakfast today had been bacon and eggs and a bowl of fruit salad. Mommy liked his bacon way too raw for Dante's taste, but his Daddy's was just right. An evil smirk crept over his face and he stuffed a slice of bacon into his mouth, grease dribbling onto his shirt.

Mommy grumbled something but Dante ignored him. Food always tasted better when it belonged to someone else, and when it was eaten really messily! For good measure he gobbled his father's toast, unable to suppress a small giggle of glee when the sticky, gooey jam oozed onto his lap. Daddy always had too much jam!

The roar of an engine and the crunch of gravel drifting up through the kitchen's screen door signaled the arrival of his father's black pickup. The airship business was doing very well, but Daddy had always preferred the old truck even though he could afford way better. He had no qualms about showering mommy with nice things however. Mommy had gotten a sleek black Corvette for his anniversary. It had been easy to see that he was very pleased, even though he didn't say much and had only driven it a few times since. Daddy had laughed and grabbed him in a big hug, twirling him around and around on the driveway until mommy agreed to kiss him. Mommy was shy like that.

The door swung open with a bang as the infamous Cid Highwind strode in, arms loaded with a carton containing four dripping cones of goodness.

One look at his ecstatic son sent the blond man's eyebrows shooting upwards.

" Wha'da think you're do'in Dante! Lookit the mess ya made! Aren't ya ashamed o' yerself?"

Dante shook his head vigorously and flapped his wings, reaching for the ice cream cone his father handed him.

Cid shook his head and set his burden down on the table, reaching for the customary bottle of liquor that had started this whole mess. " Why'm I not surprised? Chya, you're my kid after all, yeah? Where's your mother?"

Dante grinned around a mouthful of ice cream and jerked a sticky thumb upwards.

Cid reached for a cone and held it up, peering into the dark rafters to catch a glimpse of his elusive spouse ( why had he bought a house with such a damn high ceiling? He should have known the trouble it would cause him, especially when both his children and husband had wings and his spouse was inclined to sulking fits). " Ya up there Bat?"

Silence and a glowing pair of red eyes was the only answer he received.

" Brought ya some ice cream. Yer favorite flavor, caramel somethin' or other. They had some shit fancy name for it."

A low growl came from the dark, followed by rustling. " You expect me to be placated with such a simple apology, Highwind?"

Dante slurped the ice cream which was beginning to melt. It was mid summer and the weather was scorching outside. He fanned his wings slightly, creating a nice little current of cool air. Daddy was in big trouble. Mommy only ever called him, 'Highwind' when he was mad.

'Highwind' scratched the back of his neck, still spattered with engine grease from whatever new air ship he had been tinkering on, and pushed his goggles farther up his forehead. " Can I say that I was hop'in...uh... yes?"

The winged cocoon drew more tightly around itself and Cid sighed. " I'm sorry hun, I didn't mean to upset yah. I know you were just worried about me blowing m'self sky high and all, but its just that I always like just a bit to wet my lips when I'm working. Besides, it was hotter'n hell out there."

" You weren't just drinking."

" I know, I know."

" Drinking and smoking while working around fuel is begging for a fast train to the Life Stream."

" Naa, I've done it lots of times an its ne'va happened before."

"Obviously. You wouldn't be here if it had." came the derisive snort.

The room fell into silence and for a few minutes Cid seemed at a loss. Then a flash of inspiration lit up his rugged face and the glowing red eyes in the rafters narrowed suspiciously.

Cid tried again, but his time his voice was tinged with a more playful note." Hun, you have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that ya were worried about me" Cid winked and took a lick of Vincent's ice cream which had started to melt, dragging his tongue slowly across the caramel swirls. " Did I ever tell you how damn sexy you look hanging there like that?"

That last statement seemed to startle Vincent, because he flinched and his wings unfurled with a jolt, causing Dante's baby sister to squeak with surprise and indignation as her warm haven was removed, shocking both her parents who had forgotten about her presence. Catching her by her ankle as she lost her grip on his shirt and fell past his head, Vincent brought a wing in to cup her and lifted her back up to his chest where she latched on again with a vengeance, emitting a series of low growls like a mini demon. " Where did THAT come from!" He sputtered.

Cid seemed a bit lost at first, ice cream cone hovering in midair halfway to his lips at he stared at his snarling daughter. Then he shook himself and the grin returned full force. " Are we refer'in to the little terror or to what I said earlier?"

" To what you said earlier!" Vincent snapped, rubbing his daughter's back to calm her, thought it didn't seem to be doing any good. By now she had noticed the tray of ice cream and her brother moving in on one the two remaining cones, his own no where to be found except for its creamy remains smearing him from head to toe.

Anise squirmed and squealed until finally Vincent let her go with a sound of exasperation, and she promptly fluttered down into her father's arms. Cid caught her gently and pulled up a chair, sitting down and placing her on his lap before handing her a small cone, placing Vincent's on the table beside him. The remaining cone was rescued from Dante as Cid pulled the tray out of his reach. Dante slumped down again and crossed his small arms over his chest, drawing his wings in close as he glared over their top at his father.

" Well ' Cid smiled and dug for a cigarette in the back pocket of his jeans before he stopped, remembering, and with a small grimace settled for licking Vincent's ice cream again instead, his own untouched, though not for long if Dante had anything to do with it. " It just occurred to me is all, that while I'm down here enjoying a nice cool ice cream during the heat of the day, my Bat was up there in the dry dusty heat, and probably would be all day if I didn't do something about it. You're so damn stubborn n' all that. Figured I might want to just shake ya loose a bit and speed things up. Besides, I meant every word I said, and frankly, I'd rather you were down here eating ice cream with me than suffocating away up there in the rafters for the rest of the day."

" Really."

Vincent was not amused. If anything, his lover's light attitude was irritating in the extreme. It infuriated him that Cid would take something so serious so lightly. It was just common sense! Only an idiot would smoke around the fuel tanks, and slopping booze back at the same time was just overdoing it! Ok, so maybe Cid was an idiot, but it wasn't as if Cid was undead like Vincent. Cid could die easily and Vincent didn't think he could bear to live life without him now that he knew how wonderful life was with him. Besides that, he didn't relish the idea of trying to raise two children on his own.

Cid did stupid things all the time; it was a wonder that he had even survived long enough to pro-create! Vincent often felt like he had three children instead of two! Damn that airman! How dare he scare Vincent half to death and then try to laugh it off! He felt a prickling sensation in his eyes and buried himself in his wings again, refusing to let his husband see him red-eyed and teary.

Cid's mischievous eyes saw his husband's struggle and sighed, humor melting away. His mouth smoothed and became serious and when he spoke it was firm, but gentle and reassuring. " Listen, Bat. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I just wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry for arguing with yah about it this morning. I know you were just worried about me, even if yah didn't quite know how to tell me (he had to dig, just a little. Vincent could be quite abrasive when he was worried). Forgive me? I promise, I won't do it again."

For a few minutes there was silence, Cid's eyes watching the brooding bundle on the ceiling for some sign that he had gotten through. Finally, the wings slid back and Vincent dropped from the ceiling, landing lightly on the floor, cat-like. Cid could barely contain his joy when his gothy lover strode over to him, plucking the caramel ice cream ( which was half gone) from his hands and licked it possessively. " I shall require another ice cream."

Cid grinned, and Dante and the baby squealed with joy at the prospect of more frozen goodies. " Sure thing, Bat. What flavor?"

"Caramel."

" Any toppings?"

"Chocolate."

" Sweet or bitter?"

" Bitter."

" I love you babe. Kiss?"

Vincent turned away abruptly, scooping Dante from his chair and carrying him to the sink where he began washing sticky ice cream from his face with warm tap water. " No."

Cid started upright, hurt on his face. " What! Why not!"

" Because I'm still angry with you."

" But I said I was sorry and I got you ice cream!"

" HALF, an ice cream. You ate the rest."

"I said I would get you more!"

" Then when you get it for me you shall get a kiss. Not a moment before."

Cid wailed softly, clutching his daughter to him. " But... but Bat..."Vincent turned with a look that could have frozen hell, and Cid snapped upright, suddenly all business. " Right! Caramel ice cream coming right up!" He set his daughter gently on the floor and darted for the truck before pausing---as if as an after thought--- on the porch. A devilish grin slowly stole across his face and Vincent felt the first pangs of alarm in his gut.

The airman wiggled an eyebrow suggestively. " Of course, I don't make ice cream runs fer free you understand. A kiss'll only pay for the first ice cream."

" Half, an ice cream." Vincent interjected, but Cid continued.

" For this second run I'll require something a little more substantial as payment."

His eyes roved hungrily over his husband's tight ass and then he was gone, jumping into the pickup and roaring away down the driveway, leaving Vincent slightly shaken, his cheeks flaming.

A small chorus of ' Eeeewww's from his children didn't help matters, though they couldn't possibly have grasped the full weight of Cid's meaning. To them, any display of affection between their parents warranted their cries of protest.

Suddenly Vincent regretted withholding that kiss.


End file.
